Few days ago my laptop kind of died and I´m still not
sure if I will manage to save the hard disk with all the music and stuff on it.
I´m mentioning that here because my writing about The Truth & Ugly Fucks
Spring mini tour is gone and I didn´t save it anywhere else (how smart of me)
like I usually do when I write for the zine. So, at the moment, I don´t have
the will or the energy to write the tour all over gain, so I´m not sure at the
moment will I write it again for the blog or I will just put it to rest. This
whole month was kind of strange for me, I spent a lot of time at my parents
home because I had to watch over my sister´s dogs. Also, my both roommates are
moving soon (and one of them was also my best friend these past three years) and
the guys from Rules will move in and become my new roommates, so that will be
interesting. I guess there was also some stress that I was dealing with lately,
although I´m not even sure why I was stressed about. Maybe a little because of
some personal relationships with some of my friends and also there was/is some
stress related to the two tours I will be touring and the fact that the tours
are still not all booked. I also felt kind of numb to some things lately, like
I was some kind of numb zombie, I don´t know how to describe it. Then also rare
rehearsals with the bands didn´t help much my inner state and also knowing
the fact that I will not be able to see another TEAR IT UP reunion which is
happening this September in New Jersey. At least it is a benefit show so it
is for a good cause. I respect TIU guys for things like that, every reunion
they did, they didn´t do it for the money or some other lame reason. It is interesting
that on September 3rd when the TIU reunion will happen, it will also be the first
day of Rules/Left To Starve tour. I´m gonna surely have that in mind when I´m
gonna play the shows on said tour. There were few more weird and bad things
happening this month, but let's not make this an depressive post, haha. Of
course, there were some good stuff too, like getting Obedience tape which is a
new hardcore punk band from Austin, Texas where Dave from TIU/Dead Nation
sings, seeing Nailed In/Red Death/Protester show, then some people ordered a
stack of zines from me which is nice to see that some people are still
interested in zines and I don´t know, it seems that I can remember more
the bad than the good things, oh well. Oh yeah, my birthday was few weeks ago.
The more I get older, more I feel like out of step with most of the people and
stuff around me. To some, „out of step“ is just a Minor Threat record/song, to
me it´s my whole fucking life. I still pretty much feel like I´m misunderstood
for most of the time and I feel totally like lyrics of Everybody Hates Me goes:
„My friends hate me I see it in their eyes, it stays unspoken to keep up
their disguise. My parents think my life´s work is a joke, try to legitimize it
they try to make me choke. Everybody hates me! Kind words are never spoken to
me, dirty looks and threats are all I receive. I think I´m worthless and I
always will, no one can help there´s no emotions to heal. Everybody hates me, I
know that you hate me too.“ The rest of the world is no picnic either, hate
and misery is all I see and hear, so what can we fucking do? Don´t get me
wrong, I´m OK, there are other people and animals that are having much worse
time on this planet than me, but I can´t help feeling like shit sometimes and
if you really don´t want to know how I´m feeling then don´t fucking ask me.
